Sometimes it is possible to get lost in your own problems, and even worse, your own solutions to others problems, without really knowing what the problem is or even if it need to be addressed at all. It might be the case that you also sometimes feel that you nned a pair of new glasses with a new perspective on things, and not just continuing the same old proven paths.
One thing that I have reflected on quite a bit is the art of how to ask questions. Asking them in a way that move focus from your own thoughts and viewpoints to that the ones of the other person. Why do we often stick to our own perspective, that we have access to every day, when each new person we meet is an opprtunity to get different insights. I think I am getting to the conslusion that we tend to ask questions to other people in three different ways.
1. The scared approach when you primarily seek confirmations of what you already know, or what the other party believes you know and understand. Even thought it might be coming from sincere and honest interest from your side, is appearing a bit plump by most people.
* How well are your kids doing?
* What did you spend your scarce time this weekend?
* How was your short vacation this summer work out?
* It was really hard to get through it, wasn't it?
* It was real bargain or what do you think?
* How many new clothes on the sale last week?
* When will you come by an visit?
* Do you want to play Golf this weekend?
2. The approach where you seek answers to what you want to know about the other person. Paying more attention to the other person, but still a bit centered on your own needs.
* How have been feeling today?
* What made you laugh at taht story?
* How was the party last Friday?
* Would you like to come and visit?
3. The approach where you help the other person asking themself the important question, and where your awareness about the actual answer is secondary to you but crucial to the other person. Wordings need to get refined but you might get the idea.
* Could you describe the small things that make you feel happy even on a Monday?
* What are the dreams you have not allowed yourself to fulfill yet?
* What does well being mean to you, and what do you do to realize it?
* What is a home, job, family after all if you do not allow yourself to live the life according to your potential?
I have realized that I am spending way too much of my life in the wrong territory and I am lokking forward to broaden my perspective into new territories. Less travelled but more rewarding! When you matter to others personal well-being, it is a good recipt that you have a sound base from which other can pick up the energy that all of us need from people around us.
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