Peligro papa cocinando – Y yo lo estoy ayudando

Or translated to English “Danger dad is cooking, and I am helping him” was the text on this years fathers’ days present (an apron) created at the pre-school where the great inspiration source to this website, a three and a half year old girl, goes to school. It was a great honor to receive apron as a present, with hand made prints of the small girls’ hands on the front. So nice that it can rarely be used and rather deserves a place on the kitchen wall.
But it also triggers some thoughts about how far equality between the woman and man has developed in Northern Europe. Here we argue and debate if we are equal or not if dad spends six out of the available fifteen paternity leave months at home and mom enjoys nine months of the same. Such a question could even trigger some political parties to start entertaining the idea to put in place further rules to secure that an absolute even distribution can be secured. A peculiar part of the debate is that most of the discussion seems to have an element about each of the parents right to not be away longer than necessary from their chosen career path.
This debate make sound way out of proportion when compared to some Latin American countries where parenthood for fathers seem to occur briefly nine months before the children are born and the take a break until the child come to life, when it is restarted in form of a financial biased responsibility. The idea that a father could be careful, eager to give love, capable of changing dipers, able to heat pre-cooked food, willing to pick up at pre-school are not within the general perception of the expected. But even worse is that the possibility seems to be so far beyond imagination that having seagulls flying to Mars is perceived closer to reality set.
As a consequence the legislation in place to secure fathers rights are created on a reversed human rights principle, namely since one father might step a way from his responsibilities end expected duties at some point in time, let us make sure that all rights for all fathers are relegated to the lowest possible to make sure that the few irresponsible ones are properly screened out. Common rules secure that fathers going through a divorce can not travel with their kids until they are four years of age within the country and not to other countries until they are nine. Is travel the main part of kids lives, definitively not. But an often missed point with regards to equality between the sexes is what fundamentals need to be in place to secure that the development potential for the child is secured. Having travelled this avenue for quite some time, I am suggesting the following to be important fundamentals:
1) The ability for both parents and their respective cultures/families to play a role in influencing and developing a child’s personality.
2) No parent has the right to make decisions on behalf of his/her child with regards to reducing the other parents potential to influence the child’s development.
3) A bi-directional trust when one parent is taking care of a child that whatever is done is in the best intentions of the child.
All fathers deserve the opportunity to be able to watch their children in their eyes when they turn twenty and describe how they have contributed to their lives, without society and mothers relegating the fatherhood rights just being associated with a “green pile of dough”. Fathers worldwide can cook better than that, way better. Now it is just about getting that onto the mind/imagination map in a number of countries, where mothers ironically enough outsource cooking!!!